Hello TAY! I’m ClarissaGavin, perhaps better known as your favorite Spacemon adventurer, Morgan. If you don’t know Spacemon, it’s a Pokemon TRPG I and some friends are playing, and you can read the story of our exploits here. I recently made a Kinja account so I could lurk in the comments of DisturbedShadow’s Spacemon write-ups, but I too am a writer (I even have a fanfiction.net account - check it out! Or don’t. Probably don’t.). I occasionally help DisturbedShadow and DragonStorm with the write-ups, and this week I also wrote this little peek into Morgan’s psyche. I plan on making this a series if I can, so keep your eyes open. Anyway, without further ado, I present to you the first installment of Meanwhile...
Morgan, Shane, Alex and Dmitri returned to the ship, still bristling with excitement over their victory. Everyone was congratulating Alex, who seemed to be doing much better now. Morgan smiled a bit; it was good for her to feel like part of the team. At that moment Morgan was very glad she had let Alex join the crew. She and Shane had witnessed a side of Alex she didn’t think very many people had ever seen, and it made her realize what had drawn her to Alex in the first place - they were extremely similar.
Morgan hated children, and although she was aware that some might argue she was still one herself, she couldn’t remember ever feeling like one. That was one reason why she hadn’t wanted someone as young as Alex on the ship. But besides the fact that she would be annoying, there was also the concern that she wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate the risks of their mission. After reading through Alex’s Pokedex, however, she had begun to see a different side of her. And to think it was all thanks to H… Morgan thought it was sympathy, at first, that had caused her to change her mind, but it was something more.
It became clear to Morgan after seeing Alex cry so deeply for Pokemon that weren’t even her own. Just like her, Alex had always been alone, and although they had dealt with it differently, in the end they were both just wearing facades. She empathized with Alex, and understood why she so desperately wanted to stay on the Helix; it was the same reason she herself stayed despite the near-constant danger and fear, it was a feeling of appreciation and belonging that they had failed to find anywhere else. Sometimes she hated their raggedy band of misfits, but they were her misfits, and there was no way she would trade that to go back to her old life, even if she could.
Conquering the Fighting Gym had been an unusually pleasant experience for Morgan. There, where the stakes had been relatively low (merely a few thousand credits instead of their lives), she was able to relax. There was even something cathartic about the rush of adrenaline that came from watching a match you had bet an obscene amount of money on. She realized that it had been hours since she’d felt the fear that had never seemed to fade. If she focused, she was able to recall it - the angst that the state of the universe hung very precariously by a single thread - but she was able to put it away again just as quickly. As long as she didn’t obsess over it, it no longer controlled her. Realization dawned on her; was this all those unintelligible Sinai monks had meant? That she needed merely to surrender her dread of her dread and it would wane? It was wonderful, being lifted of that weight, and she stumbled, suddenly lightheaded. It was amazing how much a person could become accustomed to in just a few months. Now she too was grinning stupidly, basking in the glory of the team’s victory and her own newfound freedom.